You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
