It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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