eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
