Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
