Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
