I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
