That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
