he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
