her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
