I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
