in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
