The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
