i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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