So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
