He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
