Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
