For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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