Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
