Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
3pm strippers are depressing
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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