Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
