Quick, to the slutcave!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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