oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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