Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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