Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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