so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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