Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
