Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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