I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
