Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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