Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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