What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
