Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
