I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
