Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
