yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
