Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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