Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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