Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Non-Jews are for practice
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
