bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
