So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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