It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
