can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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