A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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