I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
