Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
