he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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