mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
either way he was missing a nipple.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
