I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
