The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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