What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
