i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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