Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
