i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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