She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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