I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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