Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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