all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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